DEAR JOHN: I'm a college senior, who has not been in a close relationship since my freshman year. The girl I was in love with at that time was my first true love, and I was the same for her. Even now, we attend the same school, and we associate with the same friends, but we haven't spoken since our breakup. Every now and then, we'll casually glance over at each other. To tell you the truth, I think I may still be in love with her. In fact, my friends even joke that we still care about each other, but I don't know. Do you think we still have feelings for each other?

So Uncertain, in Santa Cruz, Calif.

DEAR UNCERTAIN: If she still interests you and you really want to know how she feels, why not ask her? Call her up or better yet, go up to her and say, “Hi, we haven't talked in quite some time, and I'd like to catch up with you. Will you let me buy you dinner?”

If she's curious as to how you've been and whether your perspective on life and love has changed since you last talked, she'll agree to go out. On the other hand, if there is an issue that stands between you, you'll be giving her the opportunity to let you know about it so that it can be resolved one way or another. Don't spend your life regretting missed opportunities. Never forget, the answer to every question never asked is “No!”

DEAR JOHN: My husband and I have a big fight about once a month. During these blowouts, he'll say things like, “I don't need you,” or “You can leave if you don't like it.” I've tried to get him to understand how terribly hurtful this is for me, but he continues to do it.

Needing a Better Way, in Philadelphia, Pa.

DEAR BETTER WAY: First of all, don't take his comments personally. His words are spoken out of anger. In reality, if he had wanted to leave you, he would have done so by now.

The next time he slings a cruel phrase your way, dodge it by walking away. Know that you don't need to dignify it with your own anger or with tears. If you walk away enough times, he will soon learn that, in order to get his point across, he will have to do it in a way that works for both of you. That means modifying his behavior in a way that is fair to you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at comments@marsvenusliving.com.

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